A Ready Recollection

The Mind Numbing Ponderings Of A Pulpit Preacher

This May Surprise You

Did you know that there is a secret code to understanding a minister wanted ad? There are hidden meanings within the text as opposed to what is actually being said.  While the following may sound like a joke, and is said with tongue in cheek, the conclusions reached are based on personal interviews with X# of congregations across the country.

What the ad say’s
Candidate must be sound

What it means
Candidate must agree with us at ALL times on All things. He must do every thing we tell him to do when we tell him to do it and like it no matter how degrading the task may be. Oh, did we mention he must always agree with us? Even when we’re wrong we’re not wrong.

What the ad say’s
Candidate must be married

What it means
We want his wife to be an unpaid secretary, janitor and babysitter. She will also take over the ladies class, the children’s class, the nursery and the women’s prayer group because OUR wives don’t want of do it.

What the ad say’s
Candidate must be a family man.

What it means
A family portrait will look impressive in our directory and his kids will make our youth group look bigger than the other church’s in the community

What the ad say’s
Candidate must be stable

What it means
He can have no outside interest and must be at our beck and call 24-7 ready to fulfill any request or whim we may have without hesitation or question. We also want him to mow the lawn every week for free.

What the ad say’s
Salary based on experience

What it means
You’re gonna need a second job

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October 4, 2011 Posted by | FYI | 1 Comment